The
last week of Nancy Daly's life didn't go according to plan.
The beloved former first lady of Los Angeles was dying of pancreatic
cancer, which had been treated in every way possible: surgery, chemo,
crystals, meditating and visits to psychics. After one final quest to
New York, where she hoped for a miracle cure from a Brazilian faith
healer John of God, Nancy was expected to return to her Bel Air home,
where she would say her final good-byes. But life did not proceed as
scheduled.
Getting Nancy to New York became an extended family effort that included
the author, daughter Linda; Nancy's ex-husband and father of her children,
Bob Daly, former CEO of Warner Bros. and former owner of the Los Angeles
Dodgers; and Bob's wife, Grammy and Oscar-winning songwriter, Carole
Bayer Sager. The love and respect they had for Nancy was evident; they
insisted that Nancy, her nurse and Linda use their comfortable G-4 to
get to New York.
Nancy Daly was married to two of L.A.'s most powerful men: Bob Daly,
for 30 years, and former Mayor Richard Riordan, for 13.
Nancy and Bob met when they were both working for CBS - she was a secretary
and he was an accountant. They married and adopted their first child,
Linda. Her arrival was followed by the birth of two boys, Bobby and
Brian. They began life as a family in suburban New Jersey. But, when
Linda was 11, her father was promoted to President of CBS Entertainment
and moved the family to Los Angeles. Within a few years, he left CBS
to run Warner Brothers.
As Bob's career skyrocketed, Nancy began volunteering for children's
causes. Her passion to help others resulted in a lifelong philanthropic
career focusing on child welfare. She was instrumental in founding charities
that benefited foster children, and helped shape laws for that same
underserved population. Her reputation for getting the job done with
grace resulted in multiple invitations to sit on a variety of influential
boards.
After their three children left home to attend college, Bob and Nancy
grew apart and ultimately divorced. Eight years later, she married Richard
Riordan. Their marriage disintegrated after Nancy's initial diagnosis
of cancer.
Linda's interest in the New York trip was motivated by equal doses of
altruism and selfishness. John of God, she thought, might provide a
cure for her waning interest in organized religion and weakened spirituality.
She converted from Catholicism to Judaism when she was pregnant with
her first child (primarily because her husband was Jewish), but had
begun craving a deeper spirituality that wasn't being served as an observant
Jew. So she hoped her experience with John of God would provide a spiritual
jump-start.
The trip was fraught with anxiety, because Linda needed everything to
be perfect for her mom. But her hopes of finding any spiritual connection
were dashed when she realized John of God and his adoring minions were
less than saintly. But the plans for a swift departure were thwarted
by a downturn in Nancy's health since her now chronic cough had worsened.
A visit to the local hospital revealed it was due to a collapsed lung.
Flying back to Los Angeles was not an option. After a series of heated
conversations with Bob, Carole and Linda's brothers, both Bobby and
Brian insisted on flying to the East Coast to help drive Nancy home.
After renting an RV, the three women met Linda's brothers in Hackensack,
New Jersey and began their final road trip home.
Aware of the High Holy Days, Linda tried to find moments of peace while
in the midst of the tension-laced road trip. The family was traveling
during Sukkot, the time of year when Jews celebrate the harvest by erecting
and inhabiting three sided lean to's called sukkah's in commemoration
of God's provision of shelter after the Israelites were freed from slavery.
It is a time to reflect on how fragile life is, a time to honor families.
Linda thought it was appropriate that she and her family were together
now, in a traveling sukkah, and their sole purpose was to honor their
mother and their bond as siblings.
After their first night, which was spent in a gas station's parking
lot in rainy Akron, Ohio, Nancy failed to wake. She had a terrible cough
and was breathing erratically. Not even the nurse was sure how long
she would survive. Nancy finally awoke a few hours later, as the RV
was speeding through Indiana. The vehicle pulled over, adjacent to a
field blanketed in yellow flowers. Her children gathered around her,
as she expressed curiosity about what was "on the other side."
Linda took the wheel and called her father. Bob had left his airplane
and crew in New York, just in case the family would need them at some
point during the cross-country trip. At that point, Linda didn't think
her mom would make it past St. Louis. She was right.
On Friday night, October 2, 2009, while the RV idled in a Home Depot
parking lot in East St. Louis, Nancy took her final breaths. At home,
she would have passed away in the comfort of her Frette sheets, surrounded
by flowers and cashmere. Instead, she was lying on top of a Target sleeping
bag, surrounded by the vehicle's faux wood paneling.
As Linda reflected on the stark contrasts of the trip, she found the
peace she was craving. Nancy's final gift to her daughter was a single
moment of serenity that came with the most incredible sensation of being
brushed with a thousand feathers. Peace like none other. But, that moment
was lost in an instant, after the surviving foursome was forced to make
a hasty retreat back to the highway after a car with two thugs started
circling the RV. The hooligans chased them out of the parking lot and
onto the highway; everyone in the RV was certain they were about to
die, too.
This unfortunate turn of events solidified the Daly children as never
before. The three siblings were left to wrap up the trip and alert those
at home that Nancy had passed. They returned to Los Angeles on their
father's plane, and began organizing an intimate funeral for close family
and friends, and a larger memorial that would end up including more
than 600 people being serenaded by Sarah McLachlan.
With Nancy choosing to finish her remaining days outside of what was
expected Linda is led to conclude, even when life is untidy, it's ever
changing patterns are exciting. She realizes being the water in the
river, instead of the rocks that force a river to change suits her well.
Linda's spirituality deepened through this experience, simply because
she realized that she had been seeking was right in front of her. She
recognized her spirituality comes from her connection to the earth,
and while Judaism does much to honor our planet, Linda knows she doesn't
need a congregation to remain spiritual. Closeness to God and being
a part of something larger than herself was something she discovered
within the confines of an RV.
About the author:
Linda
Daly is a contributing editor at the Los Angeles Times Magazine where
she also maintains the popular Pretty In Green blog for
the magazine's website. There she focuses on the lighter side of green
issues and highlights earth friendly alternatives in hopes of enlightening
those with a heavy carbon footprint.
Before her career in writing, Linda was a special education teacher
who taught children with learning differences. She is also a Los Angeles
County Master Gardener who teaches former foster youth how to plant,
maintain and harvest the bounty growing in their Whittier housing facility's
garden. Linda remains very active in her community as a founding Board
member of two charities: Vintage Hollywood, an annual food and wine
event that supports organizations benefitting the children of Southern
California and the Global Hunger Foundation which supports sustainable
farming for women around the world. For GHF, Linda used her inspiration
from extensive travels through Africa on humanitarian missions in hopes
of raising awareness for the health and safety of women and girls in
developing nations. Linda lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Michael
Alexander and her two children, four dogs and a duck.